Thursday, May 15, 2014

Catholic Photo Challenge: Seeing God in the Works of Creation


 
 
Yesterday Jason had the day off and we ended up driving around a lot of southeastern Colorado while Jason did some side work. I'd been thinking of this challenge and keeping my mind open as to what I wanted to capture in a picture. When I saw the clouds with the blue sky trying to break through I knew this was it. When people find out we live in Colorado they often think we are in the mountains, because that's what Colorado stimulates in people's minds. But we usually tell them that no we're in the plains, and it's just like Kansas. Often it's hard to think about our area as pretty, but looking at the sky yesterday, I thought that where we are is beautiful!
 
 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Our Father-Breaking Down the Prayer for This Mom

Yesterday in my post I mentioned that I've been struggling spiritually with our struggle to get pregnant. It has been very hard on me. I keep wondering if maybe God is telling me that I need to be a better parent to the children I have before we will be blessed again. Then I tell myself that I'm working hard to better my mothering skills everyday and it is a struggle, but I don't think I'm struggling than any other mother that I know.

The thing is, thinking about it so much is really hurting me. The more I wonder "why" the more I hurt. It's hard to let that go, to not think about it, but I know that I need to. This month I'm taking a different strategy. Every time my mind wanders to all those things that have to come together for a baby to be conceived, I'm saying an Our Father. I knew that I wanted to say a prayer when I was struggling, but in all honesty I would not have thought about the Our Father. Often when someone asks for prayers for an intention, I will throw up a Hail Mary right in that moment so that I don't forget later to say a specific prayer; so when I was telling Jason about my plan to say a prayer I thought I'd say Hail Mary instead of Our Fatherly. But, for some reason it struck me that the Our Father was the perfect prayer to say in this instance.

I'm going to break down parts of the Our Father, and why I think it applies to what I'm going through right now. I've heard homilies, and read posts about breaking down the Our Father before, and they are much deeper than I think I will be able to be. But, this is coming from my heart, and it applies to me.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name
I need to call out to God as my Father. His love is greater for me than any love I've experienced, and I need to remember that.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done
Ahem... I'd say that this is my biggest struggle. I constantly pray for the Lord's will, but oftentimes what I mean is "please let Your will be the same as mine". He is the creator, and He knows better than I do.
On earth as it is in Heaven
We are here to know and love God so that we can be with Him. His will is that we come to Him; that doesn't change because we are down here for this short time.
Give us this day our daily bread
We are asking for what we need to get through this day. And He gives it to us. We receive the graces we need to get through the struggles, the moments of this day. Right now we're dealing with Christopher and his needs; him being nonverbal is a real struggle in the house and I am constantly asking for the grace to get through this struggle. Maybe asking for more children is more than our daily bread. Maybe right now a family of four is important because a baby is demanding of attention that Christopher needs. I don't know, but I DO know that God will give me my daily bread. He gives me what I need. Every day.
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
I mentioned yesterday that I had an amazing experience at confession this weekend. Really that's an understatement; every single time I go to confession it is an amazing experience. Receiving God's forgiveness is a blessing that has no comparison.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil
It is always a temptation to think that I know better than God. That my plans are what is important and God should be giving me what I want. And when it doesn't happen, it's easy to be tempted that God is punishing me. For the record, on a logical level, I know that isn't true; but in an emotional moment it is hard to remember that.
Amen
To me that's it, saying Amen is giving it to God.

I don't know why I felt like I should put this in writing. Maybe just to have a place to remind myself; somewhere that I could come back to and look at what I am doing and why. Not getting pregnant when you want to grow your family is a struggle, I know that people have much harder struggles than I do and I know that we are blessed. Really, I am so blessed to have an amazing husband and two wonderful, happy boys.

Monday, May 12, 2014

A Weight loss Update

So, here I am, finally writing about my weight loss journey. You might wonder why it has taken me so long to post anything about this. Well, the truth is that I've been sort of embarrassed/upset. I have been in a plateau for the past several months. Based on a small perusal it looks like I haven't posted anything since November of 2013. Yikes!

Well, in that post I mentioned a plateau but I've actually gained back since then. :(  I started Weight Watchers online program on Friday and on that day I was 271.5. I am already back down to 267 so I definitely consider that a positive turn of events.

In addition to WW I'm also working out 6-7 days of week, plus trying to get a long walk or bike ride with the boys in most days. Someone made the effort to send me a text message last week after seeing me in the front yard and tell me they can see that I'm losing weight. So I'm definitely feeling good.

What really prompted the joining of WW though is that I've been struggling. I did really great when I first started the strict diet with my trainer, but the truth is that it is very strict and very hard. In some ways my body felt much better, but in other ways, I felt worse. I know that I, personally, put too much emphasis on eating... as in sometimes I'm living to eat instead of eating to live, but at the same time food is what brings us together. It should be enjoyable. I should not dread waking up in the morning because I'm going to have eat 5 egg whites for breakfast. That's crazy. And the one cheat day I had often meant I was binging. I'm really hoping that Weight Watchers can help me indulge a little, and keep track. So far that is going well, but I'll hopefully do an update every week.

Another thing that prompted this move to do something different is that we are still trying to get pregnant, and not getting there. It has been a real struggle for me, emotionally and spiritually. I had a great experience at Confession this past weekend and I feel like I'm in a better place for it.  But we know that I am currently 17 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant with Dominic and I (and my doctor) really feel that my weight is what is causing my problems. So this month I'm going to focus on my spiritual life as well as my health. Prayers are always appreciated!

And now for some random pictures of the boys!

















Thursday, May 1, 2014

Small Success (Vol 5)

Small Success Thursdays at CatholicMom.com

Whoa, it has been a loooong time since I posted last. I'm not even going to go back and look at when my last post was done. It will be depressing. So, I thought what better way to start back to blogging (regularly I hope) than a Small Success post with the ladies over at CatholicMom.com.

1) Despite the fact that most of the days this week have had 30+mph wind, the boys and I managed to get out and walk or play around the yard all but one day. This is a pretty big success to me as when it is that windy, I kind of just want to stay inside and cuddle up in a blanket.

2) We did this ride on Saturday:
 
This was on our new tandem bike:
It was very windy and it was a very rough ride!

3) I managed to shampoo the living room with our Kirby this week. It isn't meant for deep cleaning but it does look better. Jason even got a chance to see the house clean for once. It seems like even on days that I clean the house, it's a mess again by the time he gets home.

How about you?